Slip n Slide

Well, summer is finally here. It's been a very cold, windy spring. But today is the first summerlike weather we've had, so Joe got out the Slip n Slide for Noah. Unfortunately we were a bit unprepared. We didn't realize (since this is the first time we've used it) that the Slip n Slide requires stakes, which we didn't have.  I also wasn't thinking, I haven't bought Noah a swimsuit yet. So, here are a few pictures of him sliding on his slide that won't stay put in his underwear. Yeah, I know. I know. Between this and the swing set, he's a very deprived child. Poor kid.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/82974667@N00/sets/72157605629958269/show/

 

 

 

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Published in: on June 15, 2008 at 11:07 am  Leave a Comment  

Baby spiders

So last night while I'm cooking dinner, Noah comes in off the deck and says "Mom! the spiders are on top of each other!" And, of course I thought, Uh oh, here comes a lesson in the birds and the bees, or birds and spiders or something like that. But, when I got out there, it turns out it wasn't what I thought. Instead it was hundreds of baby spiders that had apparently just hatched moments earlier. I say moments, because when I checked back about 2 hours later more than half were gone and today there are just a handfull left.

 

http://www.flickr.com/photos/82974667@N00/sets/72157605629802349/show/

Published in: on June 15, 2008 at 10:59 am  Leave a Comment  

Nothin’ to do

Mom, I don't have anything to do…and so five minutes later he's doing this: DSC_0060

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes, he's riding his bike through the house with a bucket (which he calls his helmet) over his head.

Published in: on June 15, 2008 at 10:49 am  Leave a Comment  

The swingset that wasn’t

Poor Noah. We promised him a swing set. We picked one out and ordered it from Toys R Us. They told us it would be here in a few days. Which turned in to a few weeks.  Which turned into a month. In the meantime we got the back yard all ready. We blocked out a space for the swing set. We talked about the swingset (this was mid April). We dreamed about it. I finally got fed up with waiting for Toys R Us, and cancelled the order. But we still haven't done anything about it. Now it's mid June, Joe has no time to put together a swing set, so the poor kid just has to play in the space where the swing set should be. Alone.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/82974667@N00/sets/72157605629389039/show/

P.S. Sorry for the lack of updates. I'm really upset with Typepad, I've been having lots of trouble with their new format for posting. I've been trying to figure out how to move the webpage to a different site, but having a hard time. Hope to get it figured out soon.

 

 

Published in: on June 15, 2008 at 10:30 am  Leave a Comment  

Driving me bananas

Noah: Mom, can I have a peanut butter sandwich?

me: Sure! (makes sandwich)

twenty minutes elapses, sandwich is untouched…

Noah: Mom, can I have that orange?

Me: No, you have a sandwich you asked for that you haven't even taken a bite of

another 10 minutes elapses

Noah: Mom, can I have a banana?

Me: No! you haven't even taken ONE bite of that sandwich you asked for.

Noah: (after taking one tiny bite) OK, I took ONE bite. Can I have my banana now?

Published in: on June 11, 2008 at 9:02 am  Leave a Comment  

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Published in: on June 10, 2008 at 11:35 pm  Leave a Comment  

Thinking of having kids?

Thinking of Having Kids?
Do this 11 step program first!

Lesson 1
1. Go to the grocery store.
2. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to their head office.
3. Go home.
4. Pick up the paper.
5. Read it for the last time.

Lesson 2
Before you finally go ahead and have children, find a couple who already are parents and berate them about their…
1. Methods of discipline.
2. Lack of patience.
3. Appallingly low tolerance levels.
4. Allowing their children to run wild.
5. Suggest ways in which they might improve their child's breastfeeding, sleep habits, toilet training, table manners, and overall behavior.
Enjoy it because it will be the last time in your life you will have all the answers.

Lesson 3
A really good way to discover how the nights might feel…
1. Get home from work and immediately begin walking around the living room from 5PM to 10PM carrying a wet bag weighing approximately 8-12 pounds, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly. (Eat cold food with one hand for dinner)
2. At 10PM, put the bag gently down, set the alarm for midnight, and go to sleep.
3. Get up at 12 and walk around the living room again, with the bag, until 1AM.
4. Set the alarm for 3AM.
5. As you can't get back to sleep, get up at 2AM and make a drink and watch an infomercial.
6. Go to bed at 2:45AM.
7. Get up at 3AM when the alarm goes off.
8. Sing songs quietly in the dark until 4AM.
9. Get up. Make breakfast. Get ready for work and go to work (work hard and be productive)
Repeat steps 1-9 each night. Keep this up for 3-5 years. Look cheerful and together.

Lesson 4
Can you stand the mess children make? To find out…
1. Smear peanut butter onto the sofa and jam onto the curtains
2. Hide a piece of raw chicken behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.
3. Stick your fingers in the flower bed.
4. Then rub them o n the clean walls.
5. Take your favorite book, photo album, etc. Wreck it.
6. Spill milk on your new pillows. Cover the stains with crayons.
How does that look?

Lesson 5
Dressing small children is not as easy as it seems.
1. Buy an octopus and a small bag made out of loose mesh.
2. Attempt to put the octopus into the bag so that none of the arms hang out.
Time allowed for this – all morning.

Lesson 6
Forget the BMW and buy a mini-van. And don't think that you can leave it out in the driveway spotless and shining. Family cars don't look like that.
1. Buy a chocolate ate ice cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there.
2. Get a dime. Stick it in the CD player.
3. Take a family size package of chocolate cookies. Mash them into the back seat. Sprinkle cheerios all over the floor, then smash them with your foot.
4. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Lesson 7
Go to the local grocery store. Take with you the closest thing you can find to a pre-school child. (A full-grown goat is an excellent choice). If you intend to have more than one child, then definitely take more than one goat. Buy your week's groceries without letting the goats out of your sight. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys. Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Lesson 8
1. Hollow out a melon.
2. Make a small hole in the side.
3. Suspend it from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.
4. Now get a bowl of soggy Cheerios and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon by pretending to be an airplane.
5. Continue until half the Cheerios are gone.
6. Tip half into your lap. The other half, just throw up in the air.
You are now ready to feed a nine-month-old baby.

Lesson 9
Learn the names of every character from Sesame Street, Barney, Disney, the Teletubbies, and Pokemon. Watch nothing else on TV but PBS, the Disney channel or Noggin for at least five years. (I know, you're thinking What's 'Noggin'?) Exactly the point.

Lesson 10
Make a recording of Fran Drescher saying 'mommy' repeatedly. (Important: no more than a four second delay between each 'mommy'; occasional crescendo to the level of a supersonic jet is required). Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for the next four years. You are now ready to take a long trip with a toddler.

Lesson 11
Start talking to an adult of your choice.. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem, shirt- sleeve, or elbow while playing the 'mommy' tape made from Lesson 10above. You are now ready to have a conversation with an adult while there is a child in the room.

Published in: on June 9, 2008 at 8:17 am  Leave a Comment  

Fur real:

Noah: (rubbing his hand up my shins) Momma, why do you have fur on your legs?

Me: ( a little testily) It's not fur, it's hair.

Noah: It feels like fur.

later that day:

Noah: Mom, where did your fur go?

Me: It's not fur,  it's hair, and I shaved it off.

Noah: Why did you shave your fur?

Me: It's NOT FUR! It's hair. I shaved it because girls are supposed to shave their legs.

Noah: Oh. I liked your fur.

Guess I need to shave more often, huh?

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Oh, and I guess he takes after his momma in the cooking department:

Noah: I just gave the dogs some soup!

Me: Oh, good!

Noah: They really liked it!

Me: Well, you must be a good cook, then.

Noah: No, it was frozen.

 

 

Published in: on June 5, 2008 at 11:46 pm  Leave a Comment