A kid? No thanks, I’d rather have a motorcyle

Noah: Mama, do you have a wanker?*

Mama: No, only boys have those

Noah: Are you a girl?

Mama: Yes, all mommies are girls, all daddies are boys. Someday you will grow up to be big like daddy, then maybe you can be a daddy too, and have a child of your own. What do you think about that?

(insert long blank stare here)

Noah: Then I could ride daddy’s motorcyle!!!

*I take no responsibility for the word wanker in Noah’s vocabulary. That is 100% Joe’s doing. Take it up with him.

PS I lost the charger for my camera battery. I kept thinking it would turn up, but it hasn’t so that is why there has been a long dry spell for pictures. I may have to suck it up and buy a new one. 

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Published in: on September 28, 2007 at 9:13 am  Leave a Comment  

The Perfect Dress…

Jennifer’s wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen
her excitement — not even her parents’ nasty divorce. Her mother
had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best-dressed
mother-of-the-bride ever!

A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father’s new
young wife had bought the exact same dress as her mother!

Jennifer asked her step-mom to exchange it, but she refused.
"Absolutely not, I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I’m wearing it,"
she replied.

Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind sweetheart.
I’ll get another dress. After all, it’s your special day." A few days
later, they went shopping and did find another Gorgeous dress. When they
stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren’t you going to return the
other dress? You really don’t have another occasion where you could wear
it."

Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear. I’m wearing
it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding"

NOW I ASK YOU – IS THERE A WOMAN OUT THERE, ANYWHERE, WHO WOULDN’T ENJOY THIS STORY?

Published in: on September 10, 2007 at 6:16 am  Leave a Comment  

The digger in the front yard…

P1010004 Well…guess how we are spending this beautiful September Friday morning? Yes…having our yard dug up. I went to fill the water softener with pellets yesterday and discovered the floor was wet. We called in a plumber who gave us the bad news. We have a leak in the main line coming into the house, but outside the wall. So, they are digging a trench to access the pipe. Ugh.

Published in: on September 7, 2007 at 10:41 am  Leave a Comment  

Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant…

After ordering their cornbread and beans, they talk about the latest addition to their junkyard business.

Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough. After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.

One of the hillbillies looks at her and says "Kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no.

"Kin ya breathe?" The woman begins to turn blue and shakes her head no.

The Hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up the back of her dress, yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.

The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.

As she begins to breathe again, the hillbilly walks slowly back to the bar.

His partner says, "Ya know, I’d heerd of that there ‘Hind Lick Maneuver’, but I ain’t never seen nobody do it.

Published in: on September 2, 2007 at 3:22 pm  Leave a Comment